


Deleted Scene From Call It Home

by princelogical



Series: The Human!Sides College AU Verse [15]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Crying, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-18
Updated: 2018-08-18
Packaged: 2019-06-28 23:25:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15717243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princelogical/pseuds/princelogical
Summary: Roman moved his thumb softly over Patton’s wrist and Patton could feel something inside himself shattering.“You run yourself into the ground,” Logan said quietly, staring at his shoes. “It is quiet so no one notices unless they look closely.”





	Deleted Scene From Call It Home

**Author's Note:**

> This is a scene from Call It Home which I ended up deleting from the original manuscript. If I would have kept it, it would have taken place somewhere around chapter four. I remember writing this scene on my phone and then immediately wrote the disassociation scene where Patton drives to the gas station. I remember reading them both over and deciding there was something off about this scene, something slightly uncomfortable and unnatural in its flow. So I settled on the other scene and wrote based off of that.
> 
> (I know y’all probably will prefer this one because in this one- [spoiler alert] Smokey didn’t die lmao.)
> 
> Here is the deleted scene. 
> 
> Warnings for mentions of past abuse, angst, and crying.

“If something makes you uncomfortable or hurts you,” Vigil said softly, “you should speak up.”

“I do,” Patton argued.

Virgil fixed him with a sad but disbelieving look. “Liar.”

Patton’s face stung, as if physically slapped by the comment. “I’m not a liar.”

“Perhaps Virgil phrased that in an unkind manner,” Logan spoke up. “You seem to take most things lying down. You do nothing for your own comfort, only for the comfort of others. Even if doing so results in your own discomfort.”

Patton felt chastised, as if being scolded by three disappointed parents, all gathering around to shame him for being such an idiot.

“Okay, sorry, I won’t do it anymore,” Patton said, forcing the words through the glue in his mouth and the heaviness in his soul. Maybe Virgil was right in calling him a liar because that was a big fat lie. Patton didn’t want to be selfish or put his comfort above others. Ever.

Roman pulled his chair closer to Patton and took Patton’s hands up in his own. “Hey, we just wanna talk about it. Your selflessness is not bad, it’s really good and I… I admire it.” Roman moved his thumb softly over Patton’s wrist and Patton could feel something inside himself shattering.

“You run yourself into the ground,” Logan said quietly, staring at his shoes. “It is quiet so no one notices unless they look closely.”

“You carry your burdens and try to carry everyone else’s,” Virgil said. “Friendship is sharing burdens. You can ask for our help. It’s not a one way street, you’re always sweeping in and being our hero.”

“I don’t need any help. You guys…” Patton tried, he really did, but despite himself, he sniffled. He forced himself to trudge on with his words despite the wobbling in his voice and the fact that Roman clearly noticed, squeezing Patton’s hand just a little tighter.

“I have a perfect and happy life. It’s the duty of people like me to help everyone else.”

“Very few people live a life free of any form of sadness or struggle,” Logan said simply as if explaining that 1 plus 1 equaled 2. “A perfect life is impossible. From the little I have acquired about you, I have formed a theory that you try to only share the good and happiness you feel with others and shut away the bad. This is called repression and it is entirely unhealthy.”

“What’s the point of this talk?” Patton asked. He felt so heavy and tired. He wanted to slump over and cry. Maybe hold onto Roman and use him as a rock to ground himself. Just fall apart and let someone take care of him. His friend would let him. His friends acted as if they were waiting for Patton to let them hold him up. But that was selfish. They all were nearly crippled with their own burdens. They did not need Patton’s silly ones. No one did.

Virgil glanced helplessly at Roman. Roman cleared his throat. “It’s us reminding you that you’re not alone. You don’t always have to be the strong one. You can always come to us if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” Patton said. “I appreciate it, kiddo.”

Virgil threw his hands up, looking exasperated and Patton flinched. At Patton’s flinch Virgil’s face filled with guilt.

“Patton,” Roman said, “I think Virgil is frustrated because he thinks you won’t ever follow up on that.”

“We do not mean to corner you,” Logan said softly. “I’m beginning to think you feel cornered.”

“Oh, no, don’t worry! It’s fine, Logan,” Patton said, desperate to reassure him.

Virgil rolled his eyes. “Patton.”

“What?”

“You’re an expert at deflection.”

Patton averted his eyes. The room went silent and Patton could feel the awkwardness thick and heavy against his body, suffocating him. And it was all his fault. He just wanted to make everyone happy and please them. The one thing he wanted and needed to do and he was failing.

“I need to go change Smokey’s bandage,” Virgil mumbled and stood, walking to the door.

“I’ll help,” Logan offered.

Patton felt his chest clenching; he’d managed to scare them off. He was losing them, losing the one good thing in his pathetic disappointment of a life. Why couldn’t he do this right? Why was he not a good enough friend?

Logan rose and followed Virgil. Patton realised his hand was still closed up between Roman’s. He moved to pull away but Roman kept firm, keeping Patton’s hand inside his own. A part of Patton wanted him to escape and wanted Roman to let go. The other part longed so hungrily for the contact.

“Let me know if I’m overstepping,” Roman said, “and I’ll shut up.” He watched Patton until Patton managed a small nod. “I think you’re scared. I think you’re afraid to let your guard down because you think you’re the one that always has to be strong. You think if we find out you’re not feeling great 100% of the time that we’re gonna run.”

Patton chewed the inside of his lip, feeling his eyes smarting. Roman’s gaze didn’t falter. “You’ve been there for all of us at our lowest. I don’t want you to feel like you have to suffer alone.”

“I’m not suffering,” Patton whimpered out.

“Okay,” Roman said softly.

“I’m okay. I’m happy. I’m not… I don’t need… not…” Patton wrenched his hand away, suddenly needing it desperately to scrub away the tears beginning to fall down his cheeks. Roman moved his hands to gently grasp Patton’s shoulders. Patton took a few steadying breaths, forcing the tears and cries in his throat down. Even when Patton’s cries were died out and Patton was a tense weight Roman had his arms around, he didn’t budge.

“I’m okay,” Patton said, forcing himself with all his might to smile.

Roman moved so he had his arm wrapped around Patton’s shoulders and he drew him to his chest. Why was he doing that? Patton could feel all his facade and joyful mask crumbling. He breathed deeply, feeling each rise and fall of Roman’s chest. It was so soothing and comforting and embarrassing at the same time.

“I don’t wanna talk,” Patton whispered, quiet as he could manage. Part of him hoped Roman wouldn’t even hear it. “If I talk I’ll spill everything.”

“I don’t mind,” Roman said.

“I miss my parents and that’s been making me sad lately,” Patton said. “It’s silly. But John and Grace remind me so much of my mom and dad and what I don’t have anymore.”

Roman hummed in acknowledgment, gently running his hand over the nape of Patton’s neck.

“You remind me of my dad,” Roman said. “And sometimes that scares me.”

Patton’s heart clenched at the admission and he buried himself closer to Roman.

“I had husband before I met any of you. He… I loved him so much. But he was so cruel. He made me even more scared to displease anyone.”

Roman made a gutted noise in the back of his throat and drew Patton even closer. The two didn’t have a single space between them, they were crushed against each other, but it somehow still wasn’t close enough.

“How could anyone hurt you?” Roman asked sounding completely baffled.

“I’m stupid and easy,” Patton said.

“You’re not stupid,” Roman snapped. “You’re good. And people who take advantage of that are… awful.”

“I’m not good.”

“Yes you are.”

“But I could always be better.”

Roman didn’t reply to that.

**Author's Note:**

> Catch me on tumblr @princelogical


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